‘I am looking at 3 dead babies. How is this God’s plan? I don’t know but I know it is and I trust in it.’

“The last 2 weeks and 3 days have been an insane roller coaster ride. I can’t put into words all the emotions I have felt and continue to feel each and every day. I have never in my life felt this kind of pain. Pain that seems like it will never go away. It is excruciating! I wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on my worst enemy.

I was admitted to Erlanger Hospital on a Thursday night to start my hospital bedrest. I assumed I would be in the hospital for several weeks, maybe even months while I awaited the arrival of my sweet babies. I was 24 weeks and 4 days pregnant with quadruplets, so I knew it was the best place for me to be.

That night/early morning, I started having contractions. They started out being around 20 minutes or so apart and not too painful. I was handling it well. I didn’t wake Kenny up and I didn’t tell the nurse until hours later. I was just trying to be tough I guess. The nurse came in and I finally told her I was having contractions. I already had the monitor on, so she was watching closely and told me to let her know if they got worse. I couldn’t sleep so I turned on the tv and watched ESPN for a while. Kenny woke up and I told him how bad the contractions were and how bad I was hurting. He told me I needed to let the nurse know. I waited a little while and the Doctor came in, so I told her how bad they were, and she immediately wanted to check the monitor and see what was going on. I guess the monitor wasn’t picking them up like I was feeling them, so they moved it around a little to try and see exactly what was going on. About an hour later, I had to go for an ultrasound where they checked my cervix and also measured the babies.

The babies looked pretty good and they seemed to all be over 500 grams except Kinsley. But I wasn’t worried. I knew she’d be ok. My cervix however did not look good. I also found out I was dilated 2cm, so I was scared but knew I would be ok. They moved me to a different room immediately and started me on a Magnesium drip to slow down labor. That was rough stuff let me tell you! It made me have a little episode where my blood pressure dropped, and I was panicking a little. I was sweating, felt like I was going to throw up, couldn’t breathe well, had blurred vision, and just felt very sick. It was not fun! I was on that all night and the next day. It did help slow down the contractions but didn’t get rid of them completely. I had to go back and let them check my cervix again that Saturday. I was even more dilated, and they were very concerned. They sent me back to my room and put me back on the magnesium drip. The contractions were still there and were only a minute or 2 apart so I was in a lot of pain. The doctor came in a little later and checked me again.

At this point, she said she could feel Lexi’s head and that I was even more dilated and needed to be taken for an emergency C-section right away. I was freaking out! I was crying hysterically. I didn’t want to have a C-section this early. I kept saying, ‘No. It’s too early. My babies aren’t ready!’ But unfortunately, my body was. The next few minutes were crazy. There were tons of people in my room all of the sudden. It was chaotic and crazy, and I was crying hysterically. I was so scared! I found out I had to be put to sleep, so Kenny couldn’t come back there with me. That sent me over the edge because he was my constant through everything and kept me calm. I wanted him to be with me. My family was close but not quite there yet, so I was crying because of that.

Everything was happening so fast. They made me drink this stuff and started rolling me to the OR. Kenny walked with me as long as he could and then hugged me, kissed me, and told me he loved me and would be there as soon as I woke up. When I got to the room, I was still sobbing. I was in pain and I was scared to death. I kept telling everyone in that room, ‘Please take care of my babies.’ They told me they would try their very best. Next thing I know I’m out and waking up to Kenny’s voice letting me know he’s right there and that he told me he would be right there when I woke up. I kept asking him, ‘Are the babies ok? Where are the babies?’ He wouldn’t tell me much. All I remember him saying was, ‘We will see them later ok babe.’ I was so out of it and kept falling asleep only to wake up later and keep asking him the same thing. When I woke up a little more I asked him, ‘Are you being honest with me? Are the babies ok? I don’t feel like you’re being honest with me.’

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